what in the world am i doing here?

What in the world am i doing here? i should be there, by your side, waking up in the morning all glammy and trashy and make up all over the pillow all over the sheets all over the place. Waking up with the smell of lipstick in my underwear and reaching for a lighter and a cigarette though i don't smoke in the mornings before breakfast - but morning has came and went and i don't believe i'll have that much breakfast so i pick up one anyway. i miss when you used to call me so i would take a shower and dress something up and pick my sunglasses and have a coffee and start to work. i miss the way you always like my work and the way i do it and the speedness i do it so we could have spare time to talk about all the nonsense that we feel like talking. i miss crying in the morning because i had a bad dream and i wake up to figure out that it is not my bed that it is not my house that it is not my land and i don't know me and it's so good. i miss going to the balcony undressed so i can catch up all the sun and the wind or the rain anyway i like being undressed so i can miss somebody else's body against mine.